did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
