You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm really into asian looking animals
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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