Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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