just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
