i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
