Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
