That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
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I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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