Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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