i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
