The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize