Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
