I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
