I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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