Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
