I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
