I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
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You. Win. At. Life.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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