And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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