I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
