You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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