i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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