I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
