He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
