do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
