dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have fence marks all over my body
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
