got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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