I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
