just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
