you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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