planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
