I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
