i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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