Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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