White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
