he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
