i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
