I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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