I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
