wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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