Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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