she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
