I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
