Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
