I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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