you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
