Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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