Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
