I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
