I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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