Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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