OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
