she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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