we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
