Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
