Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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