Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
