About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
