So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
