he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
