So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
