Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
