Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
