Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I have already put on my inside pants.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
