What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
