I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
