He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
