I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
