not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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