Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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