the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
