quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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