Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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