I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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