Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
