Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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