don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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