Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
