I didn't shave. On purpose
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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