my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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