Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
