He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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