just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
