wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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