You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
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She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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